The Floater

I'm sorta a floater in school. I don't have a crew to roll with or a certain group to sit with at lunch. I basically have two choices: sit with one of my new mates from maths class, who has a friend group who kinda just sits silently and eats lunch, and aren't that welcoming to me at the moment, or sit with my old mate from last year's design class, which basically means sitting with a bunch of randoms, because he's surrounded by lots of his mates, and he goes to play footy at break, so I'm basically left sitting alone because he and his friends play and I'm not exactly invited (not like I could even play any sport to begin with, it would probably be an embarrassment, wasting their time, and I don't like playing sport anyway). It's still better than sitting at the god forsaken places I used to sit back in the old days.

I have a bunch of mates in classes, but in some classes I don't. It feels good to be out of the three year 'smart kids' program I was in to get in this supposed super elite school. Really, the school I go to is just a shitty snobby public school that acts like a private school. I'm planning on moving at the end of the year, if I can hopefully get into my school of choice.

Anyways, because I'm out of the social jail cell that was that program, I'm able to have different people for classes, and I was able to choose some electives that aren't that shitty. Maths class is fucking awesome. I sit next to this cool guy who plays drums and whose brother is in a metal/grunge band that is in the scene, this guy that is just there, happens to be in choir and is a funny dude, and this other guy who just so happens to play guitar, and likes to sneak out of school to do all kinds of antics. It's crazy too, because we were placed here as a result of an alphabetical order seating plan, and literally nobody else I know apart from these 2 dudes in maths class play an instrument and like rock and roll.

Ancient history class is nice because the teacher is somewhat half decent, and I sit next to this awesome smart guy who lets me copy notes and is like an all round encyclopaedia. He's the GOAT. It always helps to be mates with the smart kid who happens to be chill and cool as well.

Other than those two classes, the rest are pretty vacant. I can kinda get along with the people in them. I've pretty much learnt the art of getting by. Cliques and just snobby behaviour from people is pretty damn prevalent at my school, and I expect it to just be a constant, whether in the workplace or wherever. How I deal with it is just playing the safe cards. A lot of the rowdy popular boys cliques do stupid shit to act cool or to 'fit in'. I just simply act nonchalant, laugh it off, and just don't give a fuck about their insults or stupid antics, and they usually back off after long enough.

By doing this, I gain their respect, and even though I'm not one of them, I pretty much become 'that guy' and I was able to work with the boys on a presentation and I got along with them reasonably well. Of course they exclude me, and I'm not mates with them, but in a way I'm a llaison of them, instead of being the one picked on or looked down upon by them, well hopefully. They're still being pretty damn cliquey and stupid, but at least I've put my foot down.

It also helps that I somewhat look the part of the 'acceptable', 'normal' person at my school. I've got clothes that mostly fit me, I've got a pretty good haircut (an undercut mullet style), a nice watch, and you know how the 'cool kids' at some schools graffiti their backpack or do some weird shit to their uniform as a part of their edgy 'rebellion'?

Well, the school logo on my backpack is sanded off, and I've attached a bunch of punk rock pins onto it, but not too many, just a few, to not make it look basic. My school doesn't have any visibly alternative people, so because of this, I've basically become known as the 'guy who plays guitar and likes rock music'. I've also basically done all the weird uniform modifications, so I fit in through and through. Despite my birthday being at the later range for my year level, I got lucky with puberty and people easily mistake me for a year over my grade, or even for a uni student sometimes. It also helps that I have a very deep voice, which people comment about quite a bit.

I mean, socially, I'm not doing bad at all, I've got a fairly good set of mates, especially in maths class, which has made it a GOATed subject for me. I'm definitely not popular by any means, but I'm kinda known by a few circles. I chose to basically disappear from social media while I was focusing on myself, and there comes a point where isolation does more harm than good, and that's why I'm writing this right now, in preparation for a unannounced drop of a zine issue.

Valentine's Day is coming up, and I'm not planning on doing any shit for it, I mean, if I was gutsy and desperate I could probably score something, but hell, I still don't even have my mates from maths class added on socials yet. I'm just fucking around, having as much fun as possible, and just chilling. I can't be bothered to deal with more shit than the shit I already have to deal with.

I have held a girl's hand before, and it was just fucking awesome, like a shot of pure dopamine to the brain. By far, one of the best experiences in my life. One thing I've learnt is that if you make yourself feel like a loser with no friends, you're gonna be that way. If you make yourself feel like a sickcunt with a bunch of mates who does cool shit nobody else gets to do, you're gonna feel like a total sickcunt.

I'm not gonna lie, it was through some pretty cool, let's say, experiences that I was able to basically get a bunch of revelations. Shit just clicked, it was like all self imposed restriant was gone. I was able to see the person I could be—a more social, outgoing version of me, and bam, just like that, the depression, the things I did not understand, I suddenly did understand. The depression? All gone, for the most part.

I still feel like there's a long way to go—but put me in a room with the me from 5 months ago, and we would not be able to come to common ground. Truly, it has felt like I have gained 5 years of life experience in 5 months.

Another thing I've learnt? People insult and do bad shit to others for the endorphin rush and to go egotripping. I've been one to have received a few memorable ones, so memorable, I bet they never thought their insults would be publicised in a magazine. Just today, I was getting on the bus into the city from the Valley, when this grown woman, who looked like she was working an office job called me 'fucking retard' to my face for literally no reason. I've been lucky to have not received too many public insults after basically living in the city and copying mannerisms from cool people, but yeah, sometimes I still get them.

My advice? Fucking ignore, ignore, ignore, never give any of these fiends an ounce of attention, or when you do, ask them to repeat it again, or act as if its a compliment, or laugh it off, it will backfire in their face, as they either have to admit they were trying to insult you, or flake out and be a scaredy cat. It's their fault they're emotionally immature and have to chase the shitty high from insult endorphins. Why am I giving them attention by posting their insults here? Because I think it's funny.

Anyways, that's it from me, enjoy the interviews!